Overcoming Intergenerational Trauma
Marilyn Shingoose, a Forward Housing tenant, is a proud First Nations Elder from Cote Band, Treaty 4. Although she never learned to speak her native language, she tells us wistfully her name in Saulteaux is Colourful Sky.
In Blackfoot, her Indigenous names are Captured and Holy Rock Woman. As she animatedly talks about her grandchildren, it’s difficult to imagine the decades of pain and suffering which have changed her into the strong woman, community member, leader, knowledge keeper, and storyteller that she is today.
Marilyn’s incredible story begins in Kamsack, Saskatchewan, where she was born. Shortly after, she moved to Swan River, Manitoba, where she lived for 13 years. Born to a mother suffering in silence from residential school trauma, Marilyn had a difficult and devoutly Christian childhood. Like many other survivors of Canada’s residential school system, Marilyn’s mother never had the opportunity to be a child- she did not experience the unconditional love every child deserves; she was not cuddled at night, never read a bedtime story, or given kind words of reassurance, encouragement, or comfort. Marylin experienced the intergenerational cycle of abuse resulting from Residential Schools firsthand and emphasizes that it has haunted her throughout the rest of her life. Her saving grace throughout her childhood was her father, who wasn’t forced to attend Residential School because he worked on his family’s farm. A musician who formerly struggled with addiction, he became sober when Marilyn was born. She emphasized how important her dad was to her. “If it wasn’t for my dad, I don’t think I’d be here today. I just loved him so much.”
Marilyn’s teenage years were rough as she tried to cope with the pain.
She felt ashamed of her Indigenous roots and tried to distance herself from them as much as possible. This identity crisis coupled with the looming shadow of the abuse she experienced left her severely depressed and she attempted suicide multiple times. On the rare occasions where she attempted to learn more about her roots, she became fearful. “Christianity was saying my [Indigenous] culture was of witchcraft. I was very scared”. Marilyn didn’t know who she was, where she fit in, or who she was supposed to be. At the young age of 18, she got married in an attempt to escape her home life. She felt like an outsider in her non-Indigenous husband’s family, despite her vehement efforts to supress her identity. Remaining loyal to Christianity, she obtained a Bachelor of Religious Education and Theology and became a Minister. Working as a Minister gave her security and purpose for a time – but she wasn’t treated the same way as the non-Indigenous Ministers. Marilyn reflects on the longstanding systemic racism Indigenous people have faced throughout history when sharing her story of applying at one church she attended to be an assistant pastor. Although she had more education and more experience, they chose a non-Indigenous person. This made her start thinking about the way she was treated, and how much harder she had to work. Marilyn knew that something wasn’t right, something inside her was missing. She wanted to discover who she was. She prayed each night for God to change her life in a good way.
After five years of marriage, Marilyn had two children, a daughter, and a son. Regardless of how hard she tried, she felt disconnected as a mother. Having never experienced what motherhood and maternal love looked like, Marylin felt like a failure and struggled throughout her twenties and thirties. After over 25 years of marriage, she began to lapse into addictions, so she parted ways with her husband and started attending addiction therapy programs.
Now 19 years sober, Marilyn’s divorce and time in addiction therapy started a cycle of healing which has helped turn her into the incredibly generous, kind, and devoted mother, grandmother, and Elder which she is today. After decades of suffering, Marilyn began to work through many of her traumas and in the process, met an Indigenous Cultural Leader who taught her about her First Nations identity. She began to surround herself with other Indigenous people and threw herself into grief and trauma counselling. She wanted to help others that needed healing.
Today, Marilyn spreads awareness about systemic racism, teaches others about her culture, and holds ceremonies. Among any other initiatives, she hosts Kairos Blanket Exercises, a 12-step medicine wheel wellness program for Indigenous and non-Indigenous people who want to better their lives and relationships, and Mending Broken Hearts, a circle where attendees can talk about intergenerational trauma. In 2017, she was gifted a Talking Stick from a Chief close to Calgary which directs her in her Healing Ceremonies.
Marilyn has lived with Forward Housing for the past 10 years. Reflecting on her housing, she expresses that she “went through everything in this place. I learned about culture, I lost family. I feel safe and protected living here.” She encourages Indigenous tenants to move in and emphasizes the importance of creating inclusive housing for Indigenous people, and programs to help them heal. Marilyn herself hosts Healing Circles with her Talking Stick for Forward Housing tenants. When reflecting on her work in the community, she states “I think I’ve become the woman that Creator wants me to be”.
As far as Marilyn’s advice goes for reconciliation- it all starts with education. Education about the history of residential schools, the deeply rooted intergenerational traumas Indigenous individuals carry, systemic racism, and life on the reserves. If you’d like to learn more about how to continue your own learning, please visit our Reconciliation Page.
Marilyn is spending this holiday season with her children and grandchildren, the youngest being only a month old. Marilyn says she is grateful for the opportunities the Creator has brought her, including the opportunity to heal others and share her knowledge. It is with sincerest gratitude that we thank Elder Marilyn Shingoose for sharing her story with us and for allowing us to share it with our community.
